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Swifties 3: The Race Is Not To The Swifty

[see: Wikipedia: Tom Swifties, Tom Swifties Written By An Author Willing To Go To Any Lengths To Make A Tom Swifty Thus Resulting In Constructions That Often Require More Work For Readers Than For The Author, Fifty Swifties, and Fifty More Swifties. Previously on Twitter here. Some of these are from the comments to the last post.]

1. “She eventually absorbed so much radiation that her bottom half mutated into a fish’s tail,” Tom said mercurially.

2. “Stay away from nuns,” Tom said conventionally.

3. “Back during Late Antiquity, everyone lived in fear of Attila and his hordes,” Tom said a hundred times.

4. “It said he was eaten by a bare, so either that’s a typo or he was devoured by the act of exposing something,” Tom said verbatim.

5. “You’ll have to stand,” Tom said deceitfully.

6. “Little plays are such a useful way to teach children good behavior,” Tom said schizoaffectively.

7. “…” Tom said immutably.

8. “I’m an only child,” Tom said in unison.

9. “Look, a Confederate general!” Tom said icily.

10. “Why yes ma’am, I AM the Tom from those Twitter one-liners you’ve heard,” Tom said pungently.

11. “I’m not going to make a deathbed conversion,” Tom said diagnostically.

12. “I’m using behavioral conditioning to train lions to keep quiet,” Tom said to Rorschach.

13. “I used to be a priest, but I was defrocked for an improper relationship on the job,” Tom said inundated at work.

14. “I’m here helping people displaced by the earthquake,” Tom said with intensity.

15. “We’ve been pinned underneath fallen logs,” Tom said treasonously.

16. “I went rock-climbing with my girlfriend,” Tom updated.

17. “The defibrillator worked!” Tom said, repulsed.

18. “My karate instructor died,” Tom said, desensitized.

19. “Godzilla, I can’t believe you devoured part of South Africa,” Tom transvaluated.

20. “I was running late today, so I had lunch in my cubicle,” Tom incubated.

21. “But they dug too greedily, and too deep,” Tom undermined.

22. “The new environmental regulations will make mineral extraction less profitable,” Tom said, determined.

23. “He’s sleeping six feet under now,” Tom said depressed.

24. “I guess I lost the genetic lottery,” Tom said, drawing a portrait.

25. “SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!” Tom said, skulkingly.

26. “I’ve gotten 0.028 countries to join together in a political and economic union,” Tom said in his milieu.

27. “For here I am, sitting in a tin can, re-entering Earth’s atmosphere,” Major Tom said incandescently.

28. “The mailman just left my mail on the dirty ground?! Really?!” Tom said postindustrially.

29. “I’m writing a book based on ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’, except instead of a horror story it’s a comedy,” Tom said politely.

30. “Is the guy in that coffin Dracula, or just an ordinary corpse?” Tom countermanded.

31. “I think China has enough foreign exchange reserves,” Tom said for example.

32. “Every time the server goes down, I have a Norse god zap it with lightning to get it back up,” Tom said with authority.

33. “Help, I’ve been buried alive!” Tom engraved.

34. “I’ll never be an A-list celebrity” Tom berated. (source)

35. “If you were any good you’d have the Ambassador’s job,” Tom said disconsolately. (source)

36. “Germany should exit the Eurozone” Tom remarked. (source)

37. “Maybe he was knighted for his contributions to Austrian economics,” Tom surmises.

38. “We should give the Western US back to the Native Americans,” Tom said unsettlingly.

39. “I’m not going to give that jerk Procrustes the satisfaction,” Tom said self-defeatingly. (source)

40. “This new-ideas conference has sure gotten effeminately quaint.” Tom tweeted. (source)

41. “Everyone’s date of birth is in 2007,” Tom said alternatively. (source)

42. “Weasley for president!” Tom said electronically. (source)

43. “Let the other guy take the paddle,” Tom said heroically. (source)

44. “Let’s make a deal – I’ll stop doing sit-ups if you do,” Tom said abstrusely. (source)

45. “My former wife mentioned me in her newest paper,” Tom said excitedly. (source)

46. “How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren’t Real?”, Tom asked unreliably. (source)

47. “Your hair looks terrible,” Tom said distressingly. (source)

48. “I’ve stolen the treasures of the Shrine of the Bab,” Tom said, high-falutin’.

49. “We should go to the petting zoo, I hear they have cattle now,” Tom said, compatible with me.

50. “After Kant’s death, he left his old machine gun to forces plotting a military coup,” Tom said, willing that his maxim could make a general rule.