"Talks a good game about freedom when out of power, but once he’s in – bam! Everyone's enslaved in the human-flourishing mines."

Evening Doc

It’s nine o’clock on a Wednesday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s an old man lying next to me
Spewing vomit all over his chin

He says, “Doc, can you give me a medicine?
The name ought to be on my chart
But it’s safe and it’s strong
And it helped me along
When I had a younger man’s heart”

♪ ♬ La la la, de de da, la la la de da, da dum ♪ ♬

Give us some drugs, you’re the evening doc
Give us some drugs tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for some opiates
And they’ll get us feeling alright

Now John in bed five is a friend of mine
He gets bouts of COPD
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up a smoke
Which I guess is what brings him to me

He says, “Doc, I believe this is killing me”
I agree he is probably right
And he tells me that’s it, and he swears that he’ll quit
And he asks me to pass him a light

♪ ♬ La la la, de de da, la la la de da, da dum ♪ ♬

Now Paul is a boy with leukaemia
Who never had time for a wife
And he’s talking with Meg, who takes food through a PEG
And will probably have to for life

And the man in bed ten yells obscenities
As the lady in six gives a moan
She’s paying eight thousand for hospice care
But it’s better than dying alone

Give us some drugs, you’re the evening doc
Give us some drugs tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for some opiates
And they’ll get us feeling alright

It’s a pretty good crowd for a Wednesday
And the pharmacist gives me a vial
‘Cause he knows that it’s that, they’ve been coming to get
To forget about pain for a while

And the corridor smells like c. difficile
And the bed alarm sounds like a jeer
And I take some caffeine and I stare at my screen
And think God, what am I doing here?

Give us some drugs, you’re the evening doc
Give us some drugs tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for some opiates
And they’ll get us feeling alright

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12 Responses to Evening Doc

  1. Andy says:

    This had me groaning in pain. Not from the puns, just the depicted agony.
    Making maps or writing papers late at night is tedious and time-consuming, but at least I’m not in a hospital, thank all the gods…

  2. Kevin says:

    I really liked this, and may use it to explain to other people just how bad working in a hospital really is. I feel like something like this stays with you longer than reading an essay…

  3. coffeespoons says:

    This is brilliant.

  4. Paul Torek says:

    Move over, Weird Al! White and Nerdy this!

  5. Pawel Aleksander Fedorynski says:

    This is pure genius.

  6. Ialdabaoth says:

    Hmm. I was not prepared for this level of visceral empathy.

  7. Vivificient says:

    This song made me tear up….

  8. ElTighre says:

    Rough. Maybe I’ll show this to some of my pre-med friends? Maybe not.

  9. Laura says:

    Ahh, the terror of my upcoming medical internship…

  10. lirene says:

    Brilliant!