SELF-RECOMMENDING!

Little Known Types Of Eclipse

A lunar eclipse occurs when the Earth gets between the Moon and the Sun.

A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between the Earth and the Sun.

A terrestrial eclipse occurs when the Earth gets between you and the Sun. Happens once per 24 hours.

An atmospheric eclipse occurs when an asteroid gets between you and the sky. Generally fatal.

A reverse solar eclipse occurs when the Sun gets between the Moon and the Earth. Extremely fatal.

A motivational eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your goals. You can’t let it stop you! Destroy it! Destroy the Moon!

A marital eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your spouse. You’re going to need to practice good communication about the new celestial body in your life if you want your relationship to survive.

A capillary eclipse occurs when your hair gets between your eyes and the Sun. Get a haircut.

A lexicographic eclipse occurs when “Moon” gets between “Earth” and “Sun” in the dictionary. All Anglophone countries are in perpetual lexicographic eclipse.

A filioque eclipse occurs when the Holy Spirit gets between the Father and the Son.

An apoc eclipse occurs when the Great Beast 666, with seven heads and ten horns, and upon the horns ten crowns, and upon its heads the name of blasphemy, gets between the Earth and the Sun. Extremely fatal.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

73 Responses to Little Known Types Of Eclipse

  1. quanticle says:

    A Java eclipse occurs when your IDE gets in between you and your code.

  2. J says:

    A poo eclipse occurs when a seagull flies between you and the sun and fouls your shirt.

    A puck eclipse occurs when an errant slap shot blots out your vision with approaching doom. Very dangerous, particularly for Canadians.

    A Puck eclipse occurs when you awake hungover in the heather looking up into the grinning face of a trickster God.

    A pocked ellipse occurs when your hand slips while drawing figures for your geometry class.

    A puckered lips sometimes occurs after a successful first date.

    A puckered lisp occurs primarily during speech therapy sessions.

    A proper lisp is the pinnacle of programming language design.

  3. Randy M says:

    A ballooner eclipse is when a hot air balloon gets between you and the sun.
    A molar eclipse is when a mole gets between you and the sun. Consult a dermatologist or animal control as appropriate.
    An ellipsis eclipse is when three dots get between you reader and the point you were trying to make.

  4. The Nybbler says:

    A marital eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your spouse. You’re going to need to practice good communication about the new celestial body in your life if you want your relationship to survive.

    I have another plan:

    “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon!”

    • Edward Scizorhands says:

      24 astronauts orbited the moon, and I think they were all married, so that’s 24 instances of marital eclipse.

      Completely separate, I always have to slow down when reading “marital” to make sure I’m not reading “martial.” I typically don’t have to do this for other similar-looking words.

      • noyann says:

        that’s 24 instances of marital eclipse
        Only if sum(orbits)=24. I think they got around more.

      • Kindly says:

        A martial eclipse is when Mars gets between the Earth and the Sun. https://mars.nasa.gov/allaboutmars/nightsky/opposition/ tells me that this is made more complicated by the relative tilt of their orbits.

        • Mark Atwood says:

          when Mars gets between the Earth and the Sun

          That Can’t Happen.

          ITYM “when Earth gets between Mars and the Sun”, or possibly “when the Sun gets between Mars and Earth”.

          • sandoratthezoo says:

            “Can’t”? Or just “Mark Atwood lacks the raw will to pour a thousand generations’ worth of technological advance into the obviously worthy goal of moving Mars (or the Earth) enough to make it happen”?

            (Or I guess the sun.)

          • bullseye says:

            It is Mark Atwood’s will that the planets remain in their proper orbits, and we cannot hope to overcome him.

      • Don_Flamingo says:

        why, yes of course. Your brain wants to read something interesting.
        Thus you only read things which you expect to be interesting (at least in situations where either word would come up in the first place, since whatever you do for work likely doesn’t include either words much).
        Warfare and killing is way more interesting than boring husband & wife stuff.
        I bet you never misread martial for marital.

  5. MawBTS says:

    An eClipse is when the moon and the sun launch a 2001-era internet startup.

  6. MoebiusStreet says:

    Arthurian eclipse: when you get caught between the moon and New York City. The best that you can do is fall in love.

  7. Nevertaken says:

    A total eclipse of the heart is what happens when you turn around bright eyes.

  8. Totient says:

    Eclipse occurs between New Moon and Breaking Dawn.

  9. Hoopyfreud says:

    A molar eclipse occurs when the sun gets between your teeth.

    E: Randy beat me to it, but I like mine better.

  10. thyjoking says:

    Motivational eclipse should have been “Shoot it! Shoot for the Moon!”

  11. Rana Dexsin says:

    Hey now, my closest-ties moon goddess tends to help unblock things that are between me and growth. I wouldn’t want to destroy the moon! It’s all this other stuff on the Earth that’s more likely to get in the way, though learning not to see it that way as much has been more on the right path for me lately than destroying whatever gets in my way—besides, destroying the Earth is way out of fashion now because it’s so expensive (obligatory link) and involves so much collateral damage.

    (I am joking, and not seriously insulting the silly list of eclipses.)

  12. 420BootyWizard says:

    And then there’s whatever is going on here

  13. eterevsky says:

    A literal eclipse occurs when clips get between e and e.

  14. AlphaGamma says:

    An Eclipse Solar is a diplomat imbued with the power of the Unconquered Sun.

  15. nobody.really says:

    A Devil Eclipse can be useful to keep the deviled eggs from sliding into the other things in the picnic basket.

  16. johan_larson says:

    Pocky lips is what you get from eating too much Japanese snack food.

  17. Peter Pantastic says:

    Nothing about when you get caught between the moon and New York City? Is that the best that you can do?

  18. sclmlw says:

    A feline eclipse is when a lion gets between you and the sun.

  19. NoRandomWalk says:

    A Freudian eclipse is when your father gets between you and your mother. Trade places by any means necessary.

  20. AuralAlias says:

    A Pratchett eclipse is when a flat planet balanced on the backs of four elephants which in turn stand on the back of a giant turtle gets in between you and the Sun or the Moon. This has been found to be mildly humorous and a slight inconvenience.

  21. Evan Þ says:

    A marital eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your spouse.

    Marital eclipses might not be so bad in the end; in most of the accounts I’ve read, the relationship survived and even thrived. Though, they definitely needed to practice good communication skills – and almost all the time, they took great steps to make sure they never got into such a situation again.

    Of course, it’s been almost impossible for anyone to get into such a situation since 1972.

  22. honoredb says:

    An altogether eclipse is when get’s between alto and her.

    A subatomic eclipse is when the mass of the muon is between that of the electron and the proton. It occurs in 0.001% of the mathematical multiverse’s configuration space and tends to lead to crabs.

    A nominal eclipse is when it’s night in Korea.

  23. John Schilling says:

    A marital eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your spouse.

    I read that as a martial eclipse, but of course that is when your Selenite allies block an invasion from Barsoom.

  24. OriginalSeeing says:

    A Ragnarokian Eclipse occurs when the two sons of Fenrir devour the Sun and Moon thereby freeing Fenrir from his eternal prison to go swallow Odin, King of the Gods.

    A Persian Eclipse occurs when a Persian army’s archers attack so fiercely that their arrows blot out the sun.

    A Spartan Eclipse occurs when a tiny group of spartans get between you and conquering Europe.

    A Counter-Earth Eclipse occurs when you suspect that there is secretly another Earth sized planet in our solar system that is permanently hiding behind the sun.

    A Yo Mama Eclipse occurs when yo mama so fat that when she wears a white dress outside people mistake her for the moon.

    An Estranged Eclipse occurs when poor relationships and choices get in between a parent and their son.

    A Clippy Eclipse occurs when everyone’s least favorite office assistant gets in between you and getting anything done.

    • Randy M says:

      A paperclip eclipse happens when you program your ai wrong and it turns the sun to paperclips. Happens once per intelligent species.

  25. Deiseach says:

    A filioque eclipse occurs when the Holy Spirit gets between the Father and the Son.

    Partially correct; it occurs when one half of the Church holds that the Holy Spirit proceeds from both the Father and the Son (being the expression of the love between both, hence God is Love, not just “God is loving” or “God loves”, in the Divine Economy) and the other half insists on procession from one but not both due to its deep, complicated complex and interesting but technically dense theology of the Divine Energies.

    Currently we’re clocking up the 965th year of the eclipse.

  26. Well... says:

    Solaric lips is what happens when nothing gets between the sun and your lips for a long time so your lips get chapped.

    A solaric lapse is what happens when the Earth goes around the sun, so this occurs precisely once each year.

    Insular claps is the sound heard inside an intellectual bubble as people applaud each other for sharing ideas they already agree with.

  27. Paul Brinkley says:

    A barberic eclipse is when clips get between your eyes and your hair. Allow it to run its course. And please, remember to tip.

    Speaking of eclipses…

  28. arch1 says:

    An update on the fatality metrics –
    My extensive multiverse simulations* suggest that in the long run:
    1) atmospheric eclipses are almost always no big deal
    2) the survival rate for reverse solar eclipses is 20-ish percent
    3) apoc eclipses are indeed extremely fatal (you expected maybe otherwise? I got palpitations just reading the definition)

    *Ok, not all that extensive actually. Rather sketchy, in fact. Truth is, I just mulled it over a bit.

  29. kithpendragon says:

    Is this your audition to write for XKCD? 😉

  30. Slice says:

    An eclipse eclipse is when the Sun gets blocked by a certain Mitsubishi car.

  31. dreeves says:

    Ha! I had a version of part of this joke circa 2004:

    “Ok, a solar eclipse is where the moon comes between the earth and the sun, a lunar eclipse is where the earth comes between the sun and the moon, but what’s it called when the sun comes between the earth and the moon?”

    “That’s called the apoceclipse.”

  32. theredsheep says:

    A solar Eclipse is a sporty Mitsubishi with black panels on the top.

  33. JohnBuridan says:

    A perfect break after reading a student’s history essay about the East/West Schism.

    A Calypso gets between you and your home island for seven years while you indulge the flesh in delicious and imprisoning addictions.

  34. mdv1959 says:

    An Auto Eclipse is what happens when Elon Musk’s space bound Telsa misses it’s turn and gets stuck in traffic between the 405 and the moon.

  35. Nickel says:

    “A reverse solar eclipse occurs when the Sun gets between the Moon and the Earth. Extremely fatal”

    Not to get all astronomically correct, but the sun is actually more than three times larger than the distance from the Earth to the Moon. So the Sun coul not physically squeeze in between them.

    • Well... says:

      Not to get all astronomically correct, but

      Let’s keep going with that:

      If we could move the sun in any direction at any velocity, is there a path it could take so that it pulls Earth and Moon into new orbits — probably ones where the moon no longer orbits us — and eventually travels directly between us?

    • Galle says:

      I think that if you moved the Sun so that it’s center was equally distant from the centers of the Earth and Moon, you could reasonably call that “the Sun getting between the Moon and the Earth,” although admittedly not for very long.

    • Mark Atwood says:

      On the other hand, and amusingly, the other 7 major planets *would* fit, edge to edge.

      There is an fun youtube video that shows what that would look like with each one in the associated orbit viewed from the surface of the earth looking up into the sky.

      There are also fun videos showing:
      * if the moon was replaced by each of the planets.
      * if the moon was orbiting at the distance of the ISS.
      * if the sun was replaced by an assortment of larger and larger known stars.

      Random questions for people much into planetary astronomy:

      * It seems that billions of years ago, Mars was covered with liquid water. Would it have been blue and/or white when viewed from Earth, instead of it’s current dull red?

      * It seems that Saturn’s rings are very young, on the order of only 10,000,000 years. What would the visible magnitude of Saturn be without it’s rings? Would the change have been noticeable from Earth?

      • Another Throw says:

        Approximately 19% of Mars’ surface was covered with water, concentrated around the northern pole. For reference, the Atlantic Ocean covers approximately 17% of the Earth. I think the color would be much more dominated by whatever is going on with the atmosphere, which it had at the time, and the soil chemistry.

        The majority of Saturn’s variation in brightness comes from the angle of the rings when viewed from Earth. About twice during each of Saturn’s orbits around the Sun, the Earth passes through the plane of the rings and they appear to vanish. They’re only a few meters thick, after all. The next time this will happen is in 2025 sometime (but Saturn will be too close to the Sun, when viewed from Earth, for the ring crossing to be observable). Saturn varies in brightness between its brightest, at -0.55 to its fainest at +1.17 (which is still very bright, about the same as Formalhaut, the 18th brightest star). Because of the ring crossing, without the rings it would be no fainter than it’s faintest now, but it wouldn’t be nearly as bright at its brightest. I don’t feel like figuring out how to calculate it, or playing with Stellarium long enough to guesstimate.

        Whether the change would be visible from Earth depends on the technology and persistence of our 10,000,000 year ago observer. Telescopes are a dead giveaway, but are they observing carefully enough over multiple decades or centuries to notice that this particular wandering star is getting way brighter than it used to (probably by comparing with the fixed stars), and in a different pattern over time? If the rings were to form rapidly, the brightness would probably increase as rapidly and certainly be noticeable at a time that the witch doctors were not expecting.

  36. themos says:

    A lunar eclipse occurs when the Earth gets between the Moon and the Sun.

    Yes, that’s an eclipse. In an eclipse, you see a shadow (reduced illumination) where a body would be visible.

    A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between the Earth and the Sun.

    Strictly speaking that’s an occultation. In an occultation, you ARE in the shadow.

    It’s a neat distinction that almost nobody cares about.