“This sandwich is gross,” Tom said deliberately.

“My Frisbee is stuck on the roof of that circus building,” Tom said discontently.

“I hate Google,” Tom said probingly.

“Godzilla swallowed a United Nations bunker, but then he threw it back up,” Tom said unfortunately.

“I think Objectivism is stupid,” Tom said randomly.

“It’s so exciting to visit Leonardo’s birthplace,” Tom said invincibly.

“Persephone must marry Hades and live with him half the year,” Zeus said despairingly.

“I now control majority shares of CBS, FOX, and the New York Times,” Tom said immediately.

“Enemy fighters just scored a direct hit on my plane! I’m going down!” Tom said knowingly.

“We were badly injured in the struggle with the Orcs, but luckily the Ents’ medicine restored our health,” Tom said tremendously.

“I took Gollum’s precious trinket in a riddle contest,” Tom said wonderingly.

“I’ve lost this Maxis game ten times in a row on the easiest difficulty setting,” Tom said sympathetically.

“I can commit adultery three more times and still be just under the threshold for damnation,” Tom said syntactically.

“O Lord, why are you punishing me like this?” Jonah said inefficiently.

“Look! Nicaraguan guerillas!” Tom contraindicated.

“I forgot to give up meat before Easter, so I’ll do it before Christmas,” Tom said redolently.

“I’ll see you in court!” Tom said supersonically.

“When I speak Japanese, I think of myself as a young, cute person,” Tom said mechanically.

“Iä Cthulhu! Iä Azathoth!” the man called maniacally.

“Stay away from Stalin,” Tom commissioned.

“It’s one of those old phones, from before wireless and touch-tone,” Tom said cordially.

“She’ll have sex with me for $20 any time I phone her up,” Tom said horrifically.

“I read the Cliff Notes to Dante’s Inferno,” Tom said synergistically.

“I’m going to recover the lunar lander from the surface of the moon and make a fortune,” Tom said apologetically.

“I covered myself in a layer of gold,” Tom said amblingly.

“I covered myself in a layer of pyrite,” Tom said shamblingly.

“I covered myself in the Golden Fleece of Colchis,” Tom said ramblingly.

“The poverty rate has increased 10% recently, but I don’t have any kind of visual presentation of its course,” Tom said pornographically.

“We should perform an autopsy,” Tom said wide-eyed.

“That tree is naked under its bark!” Tom said prudently.

“I can afford either an iPhone or a yacht, but not both,” Tom said on self-ownership.

“The guy who was installing the granite tops in my kitchen had a cardiac arrest,” Tom countermanded.

“We can stop progress by attacking a conference on new ideas with a many-headed monster,” Tom said well-hydrated.

“You’re a bell,” Tom told me.

“The wages of sin is death,” Tom said diurnally.

“Abortion is murder,” Tom said prolifically.

“Can do!” Tom said candidly.

“I have a present for you, Madame,” Vincent said endearingly.

“Arrrrrr,” Tom aspirated.

“My lower social status as part of the new rich prevents me from winning my true love,” Gatsby said lackadaisically.

“The Minoans sucked,” Tom said discretely.

“Well, if you think the Minoans did a bad job with their empire, you should try ruling them yourself,” his teacher said, giving him a B−.

“Ha ha, just kidding,” Tom ingested.

“Sheep can’t have sex changes!” Tom said, heedless of the ramifications.

“I wrote a synoptic Gospel,” Tom remarked.

“People used to lay wires across the country for the telegraph system, an early precursor to the telephone,” Tom said according to protocol.

“My laptop came bundled with malware that causes a serious security flaw,” Tom said superficially.

“We need artillery cover!” Tom said canonically.

“Someday my family will rule the world,” Tom said clandestinely.

“The West’s treatment of Palestine is an example of Orientalism,” Tom said.

“Pennies look really different under a microscope,” Tom said magnificently.

“A griffin is a kind of flying lion,” Tom said uproariously

“Our flight path has brought us directly above Yellowstone National Park” Tom said overbearingly.

“Obama absolutely buried Romney in the election!” Tom said intermittently.

“I grew two inches last year!” Tom said ambiguously

“I want to trick one or another rich woman into marrying me so I can steal her fortune,” Tom said consummately

“The auction is now open,” Tom said forbiddingly.

“I deny everything!” Tom said all-knowingly.

“The telegraph network was over capacity, so you’ll have to send your message again” Tom said remorsefully.

“Ender, the Formics have dug themselves into fortifications!” Tom observed trenchantly

“I’m going to miss work for the next few days, I’m stuck doing my civic duty at the courthouse,” Tom said injuriously

“The Zoroastrians seem to control a disproportionate amount of India’s wealth,” Tom said parsimoniously

“Nana seems to be developing Tourette syndrome,” Tom said grammatically.

“This prison will be the perfect place for my unethical Human Centipede style experiments,” Tom said confusingly.

“The bounty hunter was my favorite character in Star Wars,” Tom said prophetically.

“Brutha, the Great God is not just a turtle, but also within the hearts of all mankind,” Tom said ominously.

“Chelsea Manning mailed me one of her teeth,” Tom said transcendentally.

“I got a job producing another season of Lassie,” Tom said moronically.

“I was out at the brothel until after midnight,” Tom said scintillatingly.

“I’m sorry, but the lady is spoken for,” Tom said mistakenly.

“I’m going to an all-you-can-eat restaurant tonight,” Tom said forgetfully.

“The girl from my blind date last night was a 4/10,” Tom said metaphorically.

“The medication cured my autism but also made me gain weight,” Tom said fatalistically.

“I used to have to walk everywhere,” Tom said precariously.

“Hades seems like a pretty credible guy,” Tom said disbelievingly.

“That commercial really helped spread awareness of the risks of intelligence explosions,” Tom said admiringly

“To think this entire tree grew from a single nut in just a few years,” Tom said exceedingly quickly

“I got selected for the role of Juan Peron in an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical!” Tom said inevitably

“After playing Juan Peron, no one ever cast me in a play again,” Tom said exactingly

“SAT scores should be given more weight in college admissions,” Tom protested.

“I will start a campaign to convert @aristosophy and @donovanable to Catharism,” Tom would prognosticate.

“The Notorious B.I.G.’s death was a predictable result of his career,” Tom would rhapsodize.

“The zoo’s exhibit on African wildlife was a big disappointment,” Tom said hypocritically

“It’s the Leviathan!” Tom said superficially

“I’m afraid you’ve got an atrial septal defect,” Tom said whole-heartedly

“I first met my wife in the restroom at a bar,” Tom said accommodatingly

“I picked up a nice new casual shirt,” Tom said apologetically

“The cat-goddess is a threat to the American way of life,” Tom said bombastically.

“I can’t figure out how to stop our boat!” Tom said cantankerously

“Satan is the original source of evil,” Tom said urbanely

“I can slay the Jabberwock,” Tom said demonstrably

“I realize I missed the meeting by two whole hours,” Tom said isolatedly

“Kosher kitchens need separate plates for milk and meat,” Tom said judiciously

“Bill Clinton got a divorce!” Tom said exhilarated

“Lower-ranked demons can kiss my ass,” Tom said imprudently

“Help, I got stuck inside this cattle pen,” Tom said inoffensively

“My throne sits on the floor,” Tom said lackadaisically

“It costs one thirty cent stamp to send one letter,” Tom said permissively

“I forbid you to take the ladder to the topmost room of my house,” Tom said anti-climatically.

“Ho ho fucking ho!” customarily.

EXODUS
Egad, no bondage!
“Live not on evil!”

LEVITICUS
Repel a leper

NUMBERS & DEUTERONOMY
Are we not drawn onwards, we Jews, drawn onward to new era?

JUDGES, PROPHETS, KINGS, & WRITINGS
Now, sir, a war is won
Egad! A base life defiles a bad age.
[Deed]
[Deed]
[Tenet]
[Tenet]

THE GOSPELS
So – let’s use Jesus’ telos.
Dogma: I am God!
Deliverer re-reviled
“Abba, abba…”
Did I do, O God, did I as I said I’d do? Good, I did.
Deified

REVELATIONS
Won’t I panic in a pit now?

(most of these palindromes are not original to me, but I cannot find good attributions)

(I apologize for skipping the Pauline epistles, but I couldn’t find or invent good palindromes to describe them. But if we follow most scholars in rejecting 1 & 2 Timothy, Titus, and Ephesians, then modern commentary on the Pauline epistles could be “some men interpret nine memos”)

(I realize the title “Semite Times” might lead one to expect a more general history of the Jews beyond the Biblical period. I cannot do this concept justice, but a good chunk of modern Israeli history could be “bar an Arab”)

(Sounds Biblical as heck but unfortunately doesn’t seem to correspond to any actual Bible story: “So may Obadiah, even in Nineveh, aid a boy, Amos”.)