I’d be interested in hearing if anyone had the opposite experience and a worry like that of Iald which ended up being true.

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When I was at a CFAR minicamp, two years ago, I found a lot of people smarter than me. (Which was an unusual experience for me. Not being a native English speaker made it even worse.) And I was happy. Finally, I didn’t feel alone. Now I don’t feel the weight of the whole planet is on my shoulders. If I don’t find a way to make this world better, someone else may. And it encouraged me to try finding similar people near me, because now I have a better image of what I’m looking for. The experience made me stronger.

The easiest way not to fuck up the situation would be: when uncertain, just shut up and listen. You can do that (because you will listen to interesting things). And sooner or later you will start copying the new people around you, because inside, we are all apes. Also, many of things that may “trigger” you to undesired behavior, will simply not be there. Plus, if something happens anyway, you can discuss it later rationally, and people will actually listen.

Some people will probably be too smart and too busy to spend all time with you. Not everyone will like you at the first sight. Just hang out with someone else.

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People in the Bay Area get it. You get a bunch of hippies throwing love into the pot, computer programmers adding brainpower, and entrepreneurs adding competence. Mix and stir and you get people who want to make the world better, know how to do it, and sometimes even get up off their armchair and do.

And a realization hit me. I’m recording it here not really because I want any feedback, but just because I want it said where it can’t be un-said.

I’ve always wanted to be around people like that. I’ve always been deeply dissatisfied with people who don’t “get it” – who are petty, malicious, cruel, spiteful, deliberately thick-headed… but I’m *terrified* of going to the Bay Area, or to Michigan, or to New York, and meeting the likes of you or Eliezer or gwern.

Because I’m terrified that, after 40 years living among apes, I won’t know how to walk and talk and think like a man. Worse, I’m terrified that after 40 years of being not just “the smartest guy in the room”, but head-and-shoulders above an ungrateful mob of pitchfork-wielding yokels, I’ll discover that actually I’m just mildly above-average – and I will have to confront the fact that every ounce of pride and self-respect that I’ve built my identity on was utter self-delusion.

And I’m MOST terrified that a group of people who I KNOW are smart, and compassionate, and motivated, won’t just say “boy do YOU have a lot to learn”, but will tell me “fuck off, you don’t belong here” – because for the first time in my life, I won’t be able to fall back on the excuse of “well, they’re just humans after all; they don’t know any better.”

There. I’ve said it; now I need to decide what to do about it.

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Lots of people have now echoed “I have since realized – and it blew my mind – that I only disliked social interaction with people who aren’t awesome” and I’ll join them; completely true here also. (The moment of blinding clarity was when a generally quite perceptive colleague referred to me as an extrovert; not true, but the fact that you could reasonably make the error, as opposed to earlier in my life when I could go days without speaking to anyone…!)

Also, I can’t help liking and admiring people more who can honestly acknowledge the awesomeness of others.

Best of luck in the frozen Midwest; hope to run into you again sometime.

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